Though pros and cons lists have their place in a relationship, feelings are often the deciding factor. In the love world, the person you believe is your soulmate may have a downside, even if they meet each point on your must have list. As an example, even if someone checks all your boxes, but is married, move them off the list.
Those who do fall for a married person, even if not expecting it, you may end up consume by total hate which is unhealthy and can affect future chances at love. When we find those who are very similar in interests and values, the love is often stronger, but so is the hate if things go wrong or a problem arises.
If you are having feelings of uncertainty, stress, and anxiousness in your relationship, search yourself and determine if in your heart that this person really is the only one for you. Try the following exercises to figure it out.
- List out five qualities that caused you to fall in love with the person.
- Write out two or three things that brought you joy together. Be highly descriptive.
- Write out every concern you have over your partner. If something like being sloppy is the issue then it can be worked on over time, but a drug habit or betrayal is too much and you need to reconsider.
Read over the list a few times, sleep on it if needed, and ask if this really is the person for you. If you are uncertain, do not make a commitment until you are sure. Keep in mind, we are not perfect and neither is anyone else, so take the time to make a real decision. You may just be going through a rough patch. If this is the issue, sit down and talk things through.
Many relationships today actually struggle due to the political climate or other issues that are not really part of the relationship. However, if you seem to be stuck and unable to work it out, seek professional help with a therapist. This can help heal the problems or lead to a clean break that leaves you both healthy and able to love again. This is best because when you leave a relationship anger filled, the hate can harm future chances at love. Try to work it out, but if not, leave amicably.